Joke It Up Part 1: Laugh It Off

Welcome to our first installment of ‘Joke it Up’. With everyone walking around pointing their political fingers at one another, losing their jobs, getting divorced and so many other bummer scenarios why not add a chuckle to your week. Some of these you may have heard, some maybe not, but either way hopefully they will lighten your step just enough to realize that it in the end, most things really do not matter all that much.

High School Reunion

Husband and wife go to the wife’s 30th year high school reunion. As they watch people on the dance floor one guy stands out jumping, spinning, moonwalking and breakdancing. The wife turns to the husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating.”

Fire Fighter Miracle

A chemical plant burst into flames. Fire fighters from all over came to help. The owner of the plant announced that $100,000 dollars would be awarded to the fire department that retrieved the vault in the middle of the plant that contained all their secret formulas. They tried but the flames beat them back. Just then the Senior Citizen Fire Brigade came roaring up the road passing the line of shiny, modern trucks with their old timey machine speeding directly into the flames. The old men jumped out and performed fire fighting feats that seemed superhuman extinguishing the entire building and saving the vault. The owner announced that for this incredible feat they would receive double the award. A local television station caught the announcement and asked the chief fire fighter what they were going to do with all the money. He replied, “Well first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that truck.”

Therapy

A man visits a psychologist and tells him that he keeps having the same dreams. In one dream he is a teepee, in the next dream he is a wigwam, in the next dream a teepee, then a wigwam and so on. He asks the psychologist what this means and he replies, “Relax, you’re just two tense.”

Golf

An assassin and his friend are playing golf. At each hole the assassin pulls out his rifle and uses the scope to plan his next shot. Finally his friend asks to look through the scope too. He exclaims that he could see his house and actually see into his bedroom window. Then, infuriated, he sees his naked wife kissing his neighbor. The assassin offers to shoot both of them for $1000 each. His friend asks that he shoot the neighbor in the dick and the wife in the mouth. The assassin aims but doesn’t shoot for some time. The friend asks what is taking so long. The assassin says, “Relax, I’m trying to save you a thousand bucks.”

Hope you broke a smile with this round of Joke it Up Part 1. Stay tuned for the next installment to get you laughing through it all.

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About the author: Matt Tomas

As a writer Matt enjoys tackling many subjects with impeccable research and creative humor. He also works as a Professional Actor, Licensed Massage Therapist, Licensed Process Server and Professional Drummer.


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