Employment Drug Test Tips
You may be an occasional toker, snorter or pill popper but if you aren’t knocking over old ladies to get your next fix, you are probably recreationally responsible. If not, get to rehab Jack. In the meantime, these employment drug test tips may help you come clean for the corporate machine.
You Need Time and a Story
If you experience a random pee test, chances are that the Sour Diesel you smoked a week ago is going to step up and say hello. However, most drug tests needed for employment give you fair warning. Therefore, try to find out what drugs are tested just in case you are not using that particular drug and then your problem is solved. Block your number and call the Human Resources Department of your potential employer. Tell them you are a student doing a research paper on drug testing practices and hopefully they will tell you what they test for.
Note: If a hair test is administered you are pretty much shit out of luck. Some drugs remain in the hair for months (if you are bald, body hair is still in play). The good news is that most companies will not administer this test.
Here are a few popular drugs and their life expectancy in your system (keep in mind that if you are a regular user, the information below may increase considerably):
• Marijuana: 30 days in urine; 2 weeks in blood
• Cocaine: 3-4 days in urine; 1-2 days in blood
• MDMA (Ecstasy): 3-4 days in urine; 1-2 days in blood
• Meth: 3-6 days in urine; 24-72 hours in blood
• Benzies (Xanax, etc.): 3-6 weeks in blood; 2-8 days in blood
What to Do and Not to Do when Being Tested for Drugs
Do not spike your sample with a commercial drug cleaner as they have all been incorporated into the test screening process and will result in a failed test. This includes herbal remedies like golden seal.
If you use someone else’s urine, keep it refrigerated, use within 48 hours before it goes ‘stale’ and be sure and check it beforehand with a reagent strip available at pharmacies such as Walgreens. Temperature is essential as this is also checked, so if you use another sample keep it as close to body temperature as possible.
Do not attempt to dilute your urine by drinking excessive water. Clear urine is a red flag and a supervised re-test will be required.
You can attempt dilution with warm tap water however most testing is done in a room with tinted toilet bowl water and no sink.
Stop your drug use at least 30 days before your test.
These employment drug test tips are yet another example of Big Brother’s tightening grip. It is difficult to falsely pass these tests (and in some states illegal) however, if you get lucky, you might pull it off. Otherwise play it safe, abstain as long as you can and instead, drink as much as possible.
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About the author: Matt Tomas
As a writer Matt enjoys tackling many subjects with impeccable research and creative humor. He also works as a Professional Actor, Licensed Massage Therapist, Licensed Process Server and Professional Drummer.