3 Sex Positions You’ve Never Tried

Why narrow this down to only three?  Try three trillion.  Read the kama sutra and you’ll find a whole new world of stuff you don’t know anything about.  There are so many permutations of sexuality that you could stack them to the moon and back in a strange, spacey, orgy type thing.  But for better or for worse, and for the sake of bettering your sex life, here are three sex positions you’ve never tried.  Good luck, stretch first, and  hold out until she’s done.  You’ll thank yourself later.

1) 69…Standing—Boom, I just blew your mind.  You better be a strong ass dude if you’re going to pull off any standing sex positions, let alone the old trusted 69.  Basically you hold her up, upside down, face to crotch to face to crotch.  It’s tough stuff, and you might want to do some pushups for a few weeks to prep yourself for the ordeal.  People have died doing this, so don’t try it if you’re weak of heart.  Good luck brother, and I hope you survive it.

2) Prison Guard—A little gutsier than many are willing to try, but if you’re sex life has fallen flat, then give it a shot.  It has a little S&M vibe to it and that’s probably going to be cool for you.  Basically you hold her arms behind her back, then you go at it.  Simple as pie.  Maybe you should make up a safe word to go along with it.  Maybe not.  Get freaky with it.  Do a little role playing as well.

3) Footjob—Uh, actually just kidding, the third one will be threesome. Make me proud, and go for it!  Talk to your wife, talk to your girlfriend, do whatever it takes.  As far as technicality goes, this doesn’t count as a sexual position, but it likely falls under the category of things you’ve never tried.  So hop on Craigslist, or that weird website for cheaters (Cheaters.com?).  Personally, I recommend you go for two girls, one guy (the guy being you).  On the other hand, if you’re leaning the other way, go for it—(they call it the Devil’s Three Way, as per Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother).  Anyway, this is your chance of a lifetime, so make it happen.

Annnnnd, boom goes the dynamite.  Those are the 3 sex positions you’ve never tried.  Probably.  Godspeed.

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