How To Last Longer

Here at Advise Men, we aren’t judging you.  Why?  Because we’ve been in your shoes before.  Or in this case maybe we’ve been in your sheets?  Uh, well we know that sounds kind of creepy, but you can catch our drift.  You want to know how to last longer.

Anyway, you’re here because you want to last longer?  That’s the oldest question in the book, not The Book, but ya’ know the colloquial book.  Nobody wants to bed a dude who finishes up too quickly—it can be a miserably unsatisfying experience.  You also don’t want to last forever.  Just a nice, normal amount of sexual time.  So what’s the trick to being in control?  Well, there’s a few.

Okay, first off, if you aren’t wearing a condom—put one on.  Right now.  Unless you’re alone, in which case that would be really weird.  But on the real, wearing a condom reduces the sensation of sex and makes you last a lot longer.  Without a condom, you’re probably asking for trouble anyway.  Get a really thick condom and you can last ten years if you feel like it.  Er, not that you’d want to, probably.

On the other hand, the trick to you lasting a lot longer in bed could totally exist within the strange and incomprehensible world within your own mind.  In other words, it could be all in your head.  You need to focus—intensely.  Think about something not-sexy.  Like Margaret Thatcher.  Not the Meryl Streep kind, but the real one.  Think about Newt Gingrich.  If you keep your mind off the game, then you can last a lot longer.  It’s the oldest trick in the book really. It  dates back to pre-historic times.  Remember when they made that joke in Austin Powers?  Well it works pretty well.

Lastly, and this one might be a little controversial, if you really, really want to learn how to last longer, then you need to put in some serious practice.  I mean the more you go at it, the longer you’ll last.  Find yourself a partner and practice going as long as you can.  Practice on your own in the shower.  Practice before you go to bed.  Before you know it you’ll be able to last longer than her, which is really what you want after all.  You can do it!  We’re all rooting for you, in a non-creepy, normal kind of way.


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