Muammar Gaddafi: Bad Facial Hair, Bad Death

What a way to kick it. Beat to shit, dragged around, sodomized and then capped a couple of times all while in your hometown. Sound like a Yankees-Red Sox game? Nope, this is what happened to putty-faced-bad-facial-hair-just-tasted-a-lemon Colonel Muammar Gaddafi on October 20th, 2011. The moaning dictator that ruled Libya for 42 years (one of the longest reigns in history) was fleeing a compound in the town of Sirte (located near his place of birth) while surrounded by hundreds of rebel fighters after more than a month of continued battle. It seems they smelled their mark.

NATO Gets a Taste

Regime loyalists bolted the stronghold in a multi-car convoy escape attempt that some report as “tantamount to suicide”. Suddenly, (because of a cell phone call and suspect ground movement) NATO jets appeared like angry eagles and pounded their asses with a combination of Hellfire missiles, 5001b Paveway bombs and surgically accurate ASM munitions. There is some speculation as to what teams took credit for the bombing with reports from the Associated Press claiming that French NATO jets peppered the convoy while The Telegraph (a U.K. newspaper) reports that a NATO American drone piloted by some dude in Las Vegas was the first responder and then the French swept in. Either way, surprisingly those planes disabled but did not demolish the convoy as the remaining vehicles made a u-turn and tried to head back to the compound. After a few more hits, the convoy was finally overrun by a swarm of rebel fighters. At this point, Gaddafi had to at least make a little shit in his silken shorts.

Dictator Dicked

Conflicting reports speculate that Gaddafi was found with a handful of his body guards taking cover in a nearby drainpipe or discovered wounded from the airstrikes in one of the vehicles. Regardless, rebel fighters grabbed his ass and started parading him around while half a dozen shaky cell phone videos recorded away. They threw him on a hood of a car and drove him around a little bit just for kicks and giggles and then some dude who was allegedly wearing a Yankees baseball cap (See?) blasted him in the head and chest. Interestingly, right up to the end, Gaddafi embraced his material wealth by being captured with his very own golden gun. One report from GobalPost shows images of Gaddafi being sodomized with a stick, knife handle or machine gun butt poking his ass while still wearing his pants. Guess those rebel fighters wanted to send a message, Pulp Fiction style.

Death Mask and Political Wag the dog

Soon photos of the fallen leader laid out on an ambulance floor with a hole in his temple emerged like a nipple popping Farrah Fawcett poster (look her images up she’s retro-hot). Video of Hillary Clinton viewing the carnage show her bug-eyed, feigning surprise and confirming his death. Other politicians began to weigh in jumping on the congrads-to-the-rebels bandwagon. Overall, the 69 year old idiot was now worm food.

Muammar Gaddafi ruled with an iron fist and like Hussein before him, met his fate accordingly. Now the world’s remaining dictators are on notice. Good luck assholes!


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