Natural Remedies: Headaches to Hard-Ons

Inexpensive natural remedies can do your body good. These are simple applications that your system can embrace with little or no side effects.  However, the FDA does not officially recognize most natural therapies (nobody believed Galileo either) so check with your doctor or holistic practitioner before using any. You don’t want to accidentally blow a gasket or something.

Stomach Pain

Papaya – Fresh or dried with no additives, especially sugar, papaya allows a powerful digestive enzyme to help your stomach get back to health. Some think it tastes like throw up but it works.

Ginger – A slice of this spicy root, under your tongue or ground up and consumed goes right to work. Take a few times per day until the pain subsides.

Chamomile – This flower prepared as a warm plain tea will calm minor episodes.

Charcoal – Yup, you heard it right, these fuckers come in capsules and can absorb some real stinky farts.


White Willow – This is formulated bark of the white willow tree that aspirin is derived from.

Peppermint Oil – Sniff it deep like you’re doing poppers and it just may blast your headache out of your skull. The company Origins has a great headache relieving product called Peace of Mind.

Water – Room temperature is best but get a good dose in you when your brain is pounding.

Erectile Enhancers

Korean Red Ginseng – Said to promote nitric oxide synthesis (whatever that is), Ginseng has been reported to produce “enhanced penile tip rigidity”.

Horny Goat Weed – This freaky sounding grass gets its name from goats that got all horny after eating it. It comes in capsule or pill form and is said to have components that mimic Viagra.

L-Arginine – It has mixed scientific results so that means it worked on some dudes. This amino acid found in nuts, chocolate, caffeine and some seeds is said to stimulate blood flow to the penis. Do not take this if you have herpes (ouch).

Acupuncture – No they do not put needles in your schlong. Acupuncture, combined with one or more of the above herbs, has been considered an effective treatment intervention for ED. It doesn’t hurt and is often administered far away from your groin.


Red Tart Cherry Juice – Commonly used by gout sufferers to reduce joint swelling.

Bromelain – Prepared from that crappy middle part of the pineapple, bromelain has excellent anti-inflammatory capabilities. It is also an effective digestive enzyme.


Gingko Biloba – This nut, native to Asia and surprisingly found growing from trees in the U.S. including New York City, increases blood flow to the extremities (yes even your man toy)  especially the brain.

There are natural remedies for almost any ailment. However, with so many on the market it is hard to decipher which may work for you and your particular ailments. Fortunately, there are many books (huh, what’s a book?) available. Earl Mindell’s Herb Bible or Prescription for Natural Healing are excellent guides.

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